What Do I Want?

One of my friends has a signature on her e-mail that states “The happiest people don’t have everything…they are just happy with what they have.” Noble words yet they always leave me with an unformed question in the back of my mind. Today her phrase came to mind again as I was allowing a critical assessment of a happening in my barrio to consume my thoughts.

The tranquil Sunday morning had been suddenly shattered by the sound of an amplified siren, followed by the piercing blow of a foghorn. The assault continued for some time augmented with Riga- tone music; a kind of Latin Rap. All of this was being projected from disco speakers about a block away from our house. Even though this is typical of Hondurans for parties, advertising a business or just a beckoning customers, my mind immediately went into its “stink” mode. I began condemning folks willing to sacrifice the quality of life of their neighbors for a few Lempira income.

As soon as I became aware of those thoughts I began to put on the brakes by asking myself, “What do you want?’ ‘What did you have planned today that the celebration would interfere with?’ Since that would probably be what was happening; the location of the music would make it be part of a birthday, wedding or such. I should be grateful that I do not live across the street and just focus on something positive until a neighbor who speaks the language better complains to the right person and gets the noise toned down.

And that’s obviously what happened. As I write this a mix of Caribbean, Popular Spanish and Ranchero music floats through the yard at an easy volume for anyone in the neighborhood to easily hear but not suffer from … minus the amplified sound effects.

Outside of my negativity I heard my rational mind ask; ‘What do I want?’ I realized it was asking what would it take for me to release critical judgment of the actions of others? I learned years ago that material things don’t make people happy. Even more, that any material thing I wanted could be attained just by deciding on it and then holding the positive intent. As my friend’s statement says being happy with what you have is important since that satisfied state helps create more. Negative thoughts are constricting.

So, there it was, the question that insisted I bare my soul of ego and stand naked and venerable before the trappings of the world. I could feel fear rise to protect my heart. Yet as I put aside the fear and allowed the question presence with each ensuing question, I was finally guided to the eventual answer. I want to achieve my ultimate potential; the answer that becomes its own question.