Mother’s Day without Mother
My mother passed away in June of 2005 and each holiday that followed was a first time experience: her birthday two weeks after her passing, Thanksgiving, and then Christmas without her, etc. I don’t mean to give the impression that she and I were close. We had good experiences but our head-to-head relationship was never chummy and often placed weeks of no contact between us. Nevertheless, for fifty seven years of my life she was always there like the perennial grass. And like the grass, sometimes attention and maintenance were demanded and occasionally it would give me the itch, yet there had never been a time in my life that it wasn’t there.
When the first Mother’s day rolled around, Mom had been gone for almost a year but the day dedicated to mothers was a pointed reminder of her passing. As I wondered how I would chose to deal with this day my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing. It was a young woman I knew, calling to connect with someone who would understand her pain. This twenty-one year old had lost her mother in Hawai’i within minutes of my mother’s death three thousand miles away in the Ozark Mountains; this loss was one more link we shared in our friendship.
I listened as she processed through the deep void she was feeling. As I heard my voice offering support and comfort, shadowy memories of other phone conversations passed through my awareness. How many times had my mother coached me through difficulties? The consoling reassurance that I was offering was a legacy that acted as a memorial to my mother. In reaching out to me, this young woman had given me a gift; a positive way to fill the void that the passing mother always leaves. The gift was service.
Since then it has become my habit to give a gift to mothers who seem forgotten with some small token such as flowers, baked things, or rarities that I pick when I travel. Just like that phone call was to me, a surprise contact and an unexpected gift, I try in my own way to help others feel remembered and appreciated on the day that is set aside to honor them as mothers.
My mother passed away in June of 2005 and each holiday that followed was a first time experience: her birthday two weeks after her passing, Thanksgiving, and then Christmas without her, etc. I don’t mean to give the impression that she and I were close. We had good experiences but our head-to-head relationship was never chummy and often placed weeks of no contact between us. Nevertheless, for fifty seven years of my life she was always there like the perennial grass. And like the grass, sometimes attention and maintenance were demanded and occasionally it would give me the itch, yet there had never been a time in my life that it wasn’t there.
When the first Mother’s day rolled around, Mom had been gone for almost a year but the day dedicated to mothers was a pointed reminder of her passing. As I wondered how I would chose to deal with this day my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing. It was a young woman I knew, calling to connect with someone who would understand her pain. This twenty-one year old had lost her mother in Hawai’i within minutes of my mother’s death three thousand miles away in the Ozark Mountains; this loss was one more link we shared in our friendship.
I listened as she processed through the deep void she was feeling. As I heard my voice offering support and comfort, shadowy memories of other phone conversations passed through my awareness. How many times had my mother coached me through difficulties? The consoling reassurance that I was offering was a legacy that acted as a memorial to my mother. In reaching out to me, this young woman had given me a gift; a positive way to fill the void that the passing mother always leaves. The gift was service.
Since then it has become my habit to give a gift to mothers who seem forgotten with some small token such as flowers, baked things, or rarities that I pick when I travel. Just like that phone call was to me, a surprise contact and an unexpected gift, I try in my own way to help others feel remembered and appreciated on the day that is set aside to honor them as mothers.
No comments:
Post a Comment